First, well done for reading and wanting to help your infertility warrior - You are doing your research, visiting our website and obviously want to understand more.
On this page we combine some great resources to encourage you to understand what may be best to say (and not to say). There are many resources available, but we have consolidated a few to help everyone.
Amongst the information on our website, we have also included a conversation page, to help you stay in a safe a supportive dialog.
Our top tips, include keeping it simple such as:
The always beautiful infertility warrior Alice Rose also created the Think What Not to Say #TWNTS campaign. It is worth checking out her campaign which highlights what not to say. Her insights are shared with wit, humor and honesty.
The Centre for Perinatal Psychology has created the 'Bearing the Unbearable' campaign. It's designed to honour the emotional experience of parents - including parents without children earthside.
You can also check out Chelsea,
Hear from Chelsea and her wise words below.
Reaching out to the fertility warriors in your life goes a long way. A card, a letter, an email - with Im thinking of you would go a long way. (Bonus points for featuring Pineapples)
Ask if they feel like doing something together. Engage in activities that don’t involve children, pregnancies and treatments - It is easier than you might think!
- Go for a beverage (even mocktails are still yum!)
- Visit a hidden walking track, park, or beach
- See a movie
- Send a Fertility Friendly gift
- Animal shelters always love free dog walkers
- Go buy a beautiful bunch of flowers together
- Ask your Fertility Warrior on a picnic, or a enjoy a meal at a fancy restaurant that is all the rage
- Play golf together (driving ranges can be a good stress reliever)
- Play tourist in your local town/city
- Check out some local markets, art exhibition/gallery
"When I told my friend we were doing IVF she took it upon herself to learn everything she could about the process so that the next time we spoke she understood what we were going through which was a really beautiful moment. It warmed my heart that someone cared that much."
"When someone just simply lets me know they are thinking of me"
"My SIL sent me a block of chocolate a week, in the four weeks of IVF"
"Friends dropping off flowers and chocolates at our front door after a miscarriage. Definitely felt the love. It made the whole process more bearable and sure helped me move on! And then the next cycle my little boy was conceived. So I'd like to think that all the love pouring in helped conceive him"
"My partner arranged a small gift each day during the 2ww - it was so much fun"
Whilst you may not always know when and how to Support the Infertility Warrior in your life, you may be surprised that they dont always know either!
We encourage you to ask if it’s ok to ask.
For example “would you mind if i asked you about your ttc journey?” Or
“I was wondering if it’s ok for me to ask you how your ttc journey is going?”
(Special note : We’ve thrown in 'TTC' in the question because your warrior is likely to be impressed that you know the main acronym in their life)
Theres a long list of what doesn’t help but here are some handy hints :
- The R word (relax) is never what a ttc’er wants to hear. Instead try asking about what things your warrior is doing for themselves during their journey. You may be able to help them with this one.
- Buying a dog or a going holiday is not what a specialist will prescribe for infertility and neither should you. Instead try to acknowledge the greatness of the financial component of your warriors journey.
- Your friends-cousins-bestfriends-wife Betty might be an amazing hope story in your world, but not so in your warriors world. Try to provide hope and encouragement in other avenues.
- Silence is deafening, if you’re not reaching out because you don’t know what to say or how to help , we encourage you to let your warrior know that, but please stay in contact. It can feel lonely enough, without the deafening sounds of friends and family retreating far away from your infertility warrior.
- If adoption is a topic your infertility warrior would like to raise then chat away, but it can be unkind for you to mention or suggest adoption, unless it’s that you’re sharing your own news of adoption of a fur child.
- This may sound obvious but offering your children up or suggesting that your warrior “wouldn’t want the <insert gripe, such as crazy hormones, sleepless nights or crying babies> “ is a huge no-no. It happens a lot so if you think you’ve suggested this to your warrior, they probably haven’t forgotten and it’s ok to apologise for what you didn’t know - in fact they will likely really appreciate it.
Check out this great video from Google, who briefly capture infertility. Featuring our own beautiful board member Tiarne. 🧡